In our previous articles, we discussed a series of topics, all pertaining to the purpose of LDS online dating. One very important issue we discussed is 'the LDS online dating profile', its essence in helping you achieve your goals on LDS dating sites. Now we move on to yet another salient issue pertaining to online dating; the issue of being active participants by sending out messages.
Online dating: Put your shoulder to the wheel.
It is ineffective to just create an online dating profile and upload beautiful pictures, you also have to be an active participant when dating online by sending out messages to fellow LDS Singles on TrueLDS (or any other LDS dating site for that matter). Unfortunately, most LDS singles default to this, they feel it is enough to just create an online dating profile, then sit back and wait for messages from others. It does not always work that way, rather than being passive and waiting for someone to write to you first, why not pen down a nice note to the lds singles of your interest.
You never know if the right person is out there awaiting a message from you. Remember what the Lord has said about sowing? Sow in the morning, sow in the afternoon and sow at night, because you never know which would bring forth much fruit (Ecclesiastes 11:6).For those of you who have returned from a mission: it at times takes more than a single knock on a door to find someone willing to accept the Gospel. This principle also applies to being on a LDS dating site. Compose several messages and send those out to ldssingles of interest and await the outcome.
This is a hard nut for lot a of LDS singles to crack, especially single women, you don't want to come forth as being desperate, but then again what is the aim of being on a LDS dating site? If it was that easy getting in touch with single Latter-day Saints in this generation of ours, why do people even join LDS dating sites in the first place? Why are so many wonderful Latter-day Saints, with a lot going for them still single? Even though these LDSsingles have a desire to be married. You are here already, why not achieve the purpose for which you joined TrueLDS? Get a pen and paper or your computer and compose a wonderful message that would entice one into wanting to speak with you. Start that conversation and see where it leads.
Sending Your first message.
Now your first message, this is really important. Your first message to a single brother / sister gives an impression of you and it determines if the other person will continue the conversation or not. So how should you go about this? What should your first message entail? What should it look like?
First off and most importantly, you should tailor your message to portray your goals and the person you are writing to, do not write blindly. Read through the person's profile, not just skimming through but actually studying the profile to know if this person fits your goals, and if it does, do not write superficially. Get information that you think others might have ignored, little but important facts, such as a favorite movie that you have also seen. Then write your message, a detailed, catchy and interesting message but also brief. No one wants to read a page long text from a new acquaintance. Let's have a look at an example:
"Hey Barbara, I just went through your profile and discovered, interestingly enough, that you have seen the movie Hobbs and Shaw, a really funny movie if you ask me, I would love to exchange messages with you. Has anyone ever told you you have a wonderful smile and really cute dimples? Well you do. I'm Ryan by the way. I hope I get a reply...smiles"
Let us analyze this message from Ryan to Barbara. The message is simple, direct and brief. Ryan indicates his interest in Barbara without necessarily being verbose about it and clinches on a common ground they share; a movie they have both seen. He also adds a compliment to complete his message.. His first message is short but sweet. This is what a first message should look like, no excesses but still detailed. Your first message goes a long way in giving an impression of you so, it is most likely also the only shot you have, so make it count!
Equality of(single) Men and Women.
Let me reiterate a point, sending out first messages should not be the duty of single brothers alone. We are all single Latter-day Saints and are also members of TrueLDS (or any other LDS dating site) for a purpose; to find a suitable partner and build a solid relationship that would eventually lead to an eternal marriage. To achieve this goal, it ha
s to be a joint effort of all LDS singles, not just a duty of a particular gender. Single sisters come on, we are well past the age of men making the first move all the time.
"Our roles and assignments differ. … But the man is not without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord."
—President Spencer W. Kimball.
It is about time you left your cocoon and made a move! Stand up and send out messages, remember He has not given you the spirit of bondage again to fear, but rather He has given you a sound mind, so why sit back and wait until the man makes the first move? It might be the sole reason why you are still single. I understand that most times single sisters like to watch the men do all the work when it comes to getting into a relationship, probably because you do not want to look desperate, but your first message does not have to sound desperate, you are just sending a message out to someone whom you would like to befriend, if it metamorphoses into something bigger, then good but for now, you are just trying to make friends with someone that interests you. That is all there is to it, so why the fear of looking desperate? Okay, let's have Barbara and Ryan switch places:
"Hello, I'm Barbara. I went through your profile and I got caught up on the interesting places you've been to. I used to think myself a well-traveled fella but after I saw your profile, I had a rethink, lol. You seem to be an interesting person and I think it wouldn't hurt for us to be friends, we should share stories and fun facts on places we've both seen. I await your reply......"
Barbara's message is brief and interesting to read, and she will probably get a reply from Ryan. Men also love being appreciated, they love it when someone also has an interest in them, so what's holding you back?
Grab the bull by the horns and make the first move. You never know the opportunities that might pass you by for being passive. Do not update your profiles alone, do not just post lovely pictures, those are essential too, but what are their uses, if eventually you do not get to meet anyone? Just because you never sent out a message to someone?
Faith without works is dead.
The apostle, Paul admonished against faith without works, he referred to such faith as dead. (James2:17) As members of TrueLDS, you have acted in faith by creating an online dating profile and uploading pictures. The work, involves sending out messages to other ldssingles of your choice. What is the essence of faith without works to back it up? Why back down when you have come this far? A profile has caught your attention? Then write a message the owner of the profile. The worse that could happen is a ‘no reply’. Which of course could be discouraging but still is not reason enough to back down. Remember Christ's admonition on sowing. You never know where your work will pay off, a few un-replied messages should not be a cause to lose faith.
Search, ponder and pray.
Also, we should bear in mind that entering into a relationship with someone is a crucial decision that should not be trivialized so ensure that he or she is in line with your goals by going the extra mile by pondering and praying. Never underestimate the efficacy of prayers, just before you send out that message. As Latter-day saints and we have been called to a life of prayer, never forget this while making decisions, no matter how trivial they look.
Finally, If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things(Articles of Faith), remember this as you prayerfully send messages to other LDS Singles.