LDS Dating: 10 Things NOT To Say On A First Date.
You have met an interesting person on an lds dating site and you think that you two will be an item. You are even lucky to get your first date. You prepare well for this day, dress to kill, make sure you smell good, have that catchy smile on your face and are perfectly ready for the date. Come the D-day, you make sure you are on time; actually, you arrived some minutes before the agreed time. You did not want to take chances, delaying your new catch would be a sin which you would not like to commit.
It turns out well; you laugh, giggle and do all the things that LDS singles on a first date do. You do not even know how fast time passes; you find that it is already late but you do not want to leave yet. You are having the time of your life; it is the best date that you have ever had. You tell yourself “this is it,” it is what you have been waiting for all along. You part ways and at the back of your mind, you are looking forward to the next date.
You wait for several days, call your date and invite the single brother or sister for a second date. He or she does not commit, you decide to wait, days, weeks and months pass. What you do not know is that to the other person, you are not in their temple zone but still in the friend zone…. Perhaps you do not have the qualities that the single brother / sister was looking for. You feel bad. The worst of it is that this has happened to you several times.
You might have dated ldssingles that you met on LDS dating websites but you are not getting any commitment. You can change this; if you have worked on everything else, what’s left is how you communicate and if you work on this, perhaps you do not even need to go for more than one date before you get him or her to commit out rightly.
Here we outline ten things that you should never mention on a first date:
1. Hinting at any financial stuff.
Whether you are as broke as a church mouse (I don’t know why people think this is the most broke animal) or are currently swimming in cash, nobody is interested in hearing this on the first date.
You create a very bad impression when you tell your date how bad things are for you financially.
Likewise, bragging about your newly found cash or assets is off putting. Do not mention anything about tithing or other church offerings. Don’t argue about who is going to foot the bill of your first encounter. For heaven’s sake, this is not a bank interview where you apply for mortgage.
Save finances for a later date, there will be a time it will be required but I can tell you for free that the first date is not the day.
Until then, stay clear of financial stuff, it will just make your LDS date uncomfortable and that might be the end of it.
If you end up going on more dates, your prospect will have already made the decision.
Avoid talking about money too early on and wait for the opportune moment.
2. Don’t talk about personal problems.
It’s a date, not a counseling session where you tell your therapist all your personal problems. Telling your date that you have issues with your parents or such information will not only scare them away but will give them a negative perception of you. Personal problems should stay as personal during your first few dates, wait until you get to know your partner better and then you can tell them all if you wish. Telling them on the first date will scare them stiff and getting the chance of a second date will be such a difficult thing.
The first date is supposed to be an introduction, a period to lay a foundation for future engagements.To some it’s similar to an interview, a period where you gauge whether someone is a suitable candidate.So whether, you have financial, temple worthiness, mental or family problems. There is no place for ‘problems’ in an LDS online dating profile or on a first date!
You may have some personal problems but telling them too early in the relationship will just work against you. Give your partner some time to know you well, and at that time, they will have learned about those issues all by themselves.
3. Don’t talk about how independent you are.
It is a good thing to be independent (the Church after all talks a lot about self-reliance) but do not go shouting about it to everyone, especially not on a the first date. You may think it’s something cool; paying your own bills, not depending on anyone in life or such. If you are a lady, you may think that this will give you brownie points but on the contrary it can send out a negative message. To some, it may be a criterion to rule you out; you will portray yourself as a person who is proud and not worth spending time with.
Relationships are all about teamwork but when you mention your independence / self-reliance; the way you make your own decisions on what to do, where to go and the likes, you come off as somebody who will be troublesome, one who can’t compromise and if he or she can’t stomach such character, your dating will have come to a halt even before it kicks off. Just like other sensitive topics, keep your independence talk to yourself, at least for now.
4. Don’t talk about your ex.
Tell your new date about your ex and you will have one more on your list. Few thing will send your date running for the hills faster than mention your ex. This is a “don’t say don’t tell”, especially on a first date. We all have a past, some good, others nasty, however some are best left that way...in the past!
Talking about your ex on your first date tells a lot about you. One thing that will come clear out of that conversation is that you are not over your ex yet. A new date will often not bother sticking with someone who is looking back, bringing competition into the relationship. Keep your past relationships to yourself especially on the first date. If the topic comes up, give measured information.
There will be an opportune time when your ex can be discussed, in a measured manner, otherwise you will have one more wound or heartbreak to heal from.
5. Don’t ask your date if he /she can take care of you or your children (if any).
It is no secret, that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints marry young and have lots of kids early on in life. Because of this many single Saints over thirty years of age, will have children out of previous relationships. Asking your date to take if he or she is comfortable with your children on the first date comes off as if you are looking for a sponsor, nanny or a guardian.
If you want to have more dates and ultimately commitment, come off as somebody who is capable of handling their own stuff.
The point is that for some people, the topic of children may be too much to handle especially in the initial days of the relationship.If you can wait a bit longer, the issue of children will come up naturally and at that moment you will be able to handle it effectively and appropriately!
Bringing the issue of children too early into the relationship might scare away the best of future spouses. Not because they cannot take care of them but because the information was introduced at the wrong time.
6. Avoid anything too doctrinal.
Many single Latter-day Saints want a future eternal companion that has a strong testimony, is active in the Church and loves the Lord. But coming off as more doctrinal than Brigham young or having located all your ancestors until Adam, can make you come across as fanatical.
Avoid coming across as being overly interested in any subject, whether it is Church, politics, hobbies or work. Coming across as a fanatic makes it seem as if there no place for a new person in your life.
No one enjoys dating a fanatic, talk briefly about your own interests: keep your interest focused on your date!
7. Don’t talk about being official.
You are on your first date and are already talking about making it official: take it slow bro (or sis)! You may scare away your potential mate when you talk about marriage (or even hinting at the temple) too soon. Most LDS singles are only on a date with you to get to know you better; to know whether you are potential.
This kind of talk comes later, and if you want your relationship to see that day, avoid this topic on the first date.
8. Don’t talk about your past sex life.
If you care about getting more dates and ultimately commitment, keep this information to yourself, actually in my opinion, never ever bring it up during a first date! Especially if you are divorced, you will have had previous sexual experience and this might have been an important part of your life.
But do not mention any sexual during a first date, it sets the wrong tone and can make it seem as if you are not serious about keeping the law of chastity.
9. Don’t feel entitled.
They say pride comes before a fall; if you feel entitled, that is the end of your relationship and you can start looking for another date right after you leave the date venue. If you are coming into a relationship as if the other person owes you, my friend, you are in the wrong place.
A sense of entitlement is not something that should only be avoided on the first date, actually, shed this mentality completely, it might be what has kept you single for so long.
10. Don’t talk about the future, just enjoy the moment.
Although we are in it for eternity and our aim is the Temple, we do not have to say it out loud. Take one moment at a time, if you walk too fast, you will leave a potential date behind and they will have found solace by the time you come back for them.
"Just enjoy the moment, have patience and it will all come together."
Talking about the future on a first date; asking your date how many children you will have together, giving them names already, talking about the type of house you will stay in together and such deep topics may be a turn off. Yes, it is all that we want and it might show ambition to some, but for the majority, this is a great turn off.
Avoid talking about the future on the first date and wait, it is of course a very interesting and important topic but only after you get to know your partner better.
What should you talk about on a first date?
The first date should be about knowing your date, engaging in small talk, having fun and generally avoiding all controversial topics. Ask what makes your date laugh; I am sure they will genuinely give the details and will be laughing while doing it. Ask them about their hobbies and interests, what makes them tick and what they like doing with their free time.
Asking other LDS singles these questions shows that you are interested in them, you want to know them better and in a nonjudgmental way. These questions also help you gauge other LDSsinlges; know whether you have something in common.Your partner will also get to know that you are not pushing yourself into their life.
LDS dating can be a satisfying experience if you learn to avoid controversial topics and to keep it light on a first date. We hope that these tips will help you will find your eternal companion and that you will no longer need TrueLDS' services or those of any other LDS dating site.
- Sep 30, 2019
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